The past week, I've had to listen to quite a few Dodger games on the radio. And it was pure hell.
On Saturday, in traffic on the 110, I had to listen to Charlie "What's the count?" Steiner and Rick "Flagburner" Monday(I know he prevented the flag burning but I've never given a fuck,) call the otherwise incredible game against Detroit. Early in the game when I turned it on, middle of some bullshit story, I just wanted to know the fucking score. I've given up on ever knowing the count when Vin isn't on. Steiner says it's 2-1 Dodgers here, then a minute later, 2-1 Detroit, then again, 2-1 Dodgers. I almost drove my car into a fucking schoolbus. Then before I could, Casey Blake hit a solo shot, crowd goes fucking wild, 2-2 tie. So then I knew. Thanks again fuckheads.
Then, when I was hitching a ride with a truck driver up to Oakland(long story...,) dude had satellite radio which has all the ballgames but only the home broadcast. So I thought, with Vin not in Chicago, it'd be cool to hear a Cubs broadcast. They suck as a team but they're an older, respectable National League franchise from an historically and culturally important American city. I was wrong about everything. Harry Caray's corpse would have been so much better.
Thing is, I respect the dudes as people. Hughes as been around and Santo was such a famous Cub, you have to let him sit there and talk. And I think former players, despite their possible ability shouldn't be allowed in a booth because then they spend more time talking shit and not telling you the count and you end up hating them. I don't watch ESPN games because I don't want to hate Joe Morgan.
Anyhow, listening to a Cubs game on a radio was like listening to two different uncles, different sides of the family, drunk and talking baseball. A home run was hit and it was called as if it had been a Ball one, high. No offense to uncles but if you do construction and have a drinking problem, watch the game at home. These assholes get paid to do this. It was awful.
Digression all the time, apocalypse all the time, hallucination all the time. Because there will never be anyone again who will be hired to call games for the right reason. People who buy shit demographically are boring people who want safe, boring coverage of everything. There aren't enough of us to demand any different. And besides, there are much more life threatening things to worry about.
So enjoy Vin Scully and maybe a handful of others. The artistry in this trade is dying fast alongside most everything else. In other forms of art I try and ask the question before I fly over the threshold, "Are we making music or are we selling soap?" I know what Major League Baseball wants.