"...and when the tips of their flaccid dicks touched, Glenn Beck turned to the crowd and rejoiced, America hath been restored!" (Associated Press)

A Season of Promise.

This bullshit winter, despite Cali weather, has extracted any ability for me to articulate or really give a fuck about grammar or punctuation or anything really. This isn't that different from anything else on this blog but my energy to give a shit wanes more each day. Not that I actually thought the Dodgers would acquire a "marquee player" or whatever, and if they did, said player would blow out both knees before or during spring training and would be paid despite their absence for the next decade or so, but I thought after a somewhat exciting and positive final month of the season, in the way cancer remissions are exciting and promising, some cool shit would go down. Of course McCourt is gone but another gutless, greedy cunt capitalist or a group of them will own the Dodgers, in the way we're all owned and fucked forever. Remember, Frank McCourt is still alive. Reputation tarnished, money in the bank. Also, remember he has an address. They all do. Time to bust out the tar and feathers. Or Uzis and AKs.

Here's a run down of beautiful facts, headlines, quotes, a maelstrom of stupid shit that signifies the state of the Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles, the actual city of Los Angeles on the eve of another apocalypse, perhaps the real apocalypse. The last season ever will include A.J. Ellis!

"...20 million off the pay roll, Fox, Loney arrested after car crash, Big Names Not on Dodgers Agenda, Jerry Hairston and Aaron Harang, A Platoon in Left Field, budget constraints make Dodgers get creative(my favorite by the way, redefining creativity to mean shitty) A Platoon at Second, A Platoon at Third, Jerry Hairston and Aaron Harang..."

Fuck it, I think I'll stop there. I think while the Angels were spending the GDP of most African countries combined on two coveted assholes, Tommy Lasorda and Andre Ethier were handing out hams to children or something. I didn't read up on it. I actually think in the grand scheme the latter is a better deal. No sarcasm. Fuck the Angels. And Orange County. And Glenn Beck and the Crystal Cathedral and Mickey Mouse and rally monkeys and fans who call their players "Figgy" because they're too white to do anything otherwise.

I know I sound sore and should reserve my hatred for the Giants or better yet, the owners, the bankers, elected officials, white supremacists, Christian fundamentalists, etc. I actually dislike the American League, the Yankees, Red Sox fans and wifepunching starting pitchers much more than the Angels.
But hating the Anaheim Angels of Anaheim blindly and belligerently is good for the world. Like when you make a wish to the stars and send telepathic unicorn vibes outward beyond the infinite cosmos.

Case and point:

*These dicks, retarded on Coors Light, will be chanting whatever stupid nickname Angels fans give Albert Pujols. For a decade.

I hate baseball.