Although I was never interested before and will continue to talk shit about it, I will sail the tempestuous seas of fantasy baseball this year. Or at least flow through the murky shitflood, holding on to some makeshift flotation device.
I was always against it because I have a life. Which is not true, I found out, so there's no dissuasion there. Also, I always figured I had enough problems with real sports and most of those said problems were superficially stupid enough. But here I am. If anything, it will distract me from more pressing problems, baseball and otherwise. And the league isn't a bunch of whitecollar, whitefaced, dickheads who have power lunches and say things like, "Gonzo is off the hook, babe."
This league is with some homies from Riverside and the team names include "Marihuana Cigs and Beer" and "California Lopez" among others. I currently fake own and manage the Dome Valley Bluntwrapz. And I'm going straight to the top!
Probably not. My biggest concern besides never having played fantasy baseball and being increasingly disillusioned with bullshit like this anyhow, is that I'll be too high or drunk to remember the draft date. Then I can end up with Jay Gibbons and A.J. Ellis in my line-up. Hey! Just like real life.
So maybe I can rant about two different threads of my life weaving through the shitstorm that surrounds us all.
Dome Valley Bluntwrapz. Y que?
Monday, March 7, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Heaven and Hell (reeled in and gutted like the rest)
Well, Major League Baseball has done it again. Extracting my funds in return for poor service, occasional black-outs and a visual document of seasonal disappointment. I only have a subscription to MLB TV because I'm living in Oakland and need to hear Vin Scully's voice to remain sane. I'm not the kind of baseball asshole who gets excited about watching A-Rod reach some bullshit milestone. I want to cancel it, I don't need it. Fuck the Dodgers, etc. But I'm going to be reeled in and gutted like the rest.
The fact that they just access my money, take 25 fucking dollars out so I can watch Gabe Kapler pop out to end the 3rd inning of some bullshit game in Arizona, is some bullshit. It's the same old, reliable, cyclical, masochistic bullshit I put myself through every year about this time. So I'm an asshole. This year I don't think I can afford it and care less than I did last year. Someday Bud Selig will die and nobody will truly care. Maybe it'll be this year. Selig going straight to hell, which only exists in my mind for people like him to go to(I don't subscribe to religion,) is more likely than the Dodgers winning the World Series in the next decade. So, maybe I could save the 25 bucks and buy drugs with it, throw a party when he dies. I'll keep the three or four people who read this posted on this situation as it develops.
Another long season lies ahead. Don Mattingly is tight. Frank McCourt is not. And Vin Scully, who by the same non-religious, figurative afterlife I mentioned, is going to heaven. In fact, he is God. So, 25 bucks to the devil every month so I can hear God call a losing season, with grace and impeccable beauty. But the fact remains. Godless world, Bud Selig owns you, the Dodgers are nearly limbless in their pursuit of a championship and Orange fisherman hats were purchased in bulk last October, not before but after. "Not to mention, I put shoe polish in my already ironic hipster beard! Next up, Christian tattoos!"
Fuck the world. And baseball. I'm going to make some bomb-ass breakfast while I still can.
The fact that they just access my money, take 25 fucking dollars out so I can watch Gabe Kapler pop out to end the 3rd inning of some bullshit game in Arizona, is some bullshit. It's the same old, reliable, cyclical, masochistic bullshit I put myself through every year about this time. So I'm an asshole. This year I don't think I can afford it and care less than I did last year. Someday Bud Selig will die and nobody will truly care. Maybe it'll be this year. Selig going straight to hell, which only exists in my mind for people like him to go to(I don't subscribe to religion,) is more likely than the Dodgers winning the World Series in the next decade. So, maybe I could save the 25 bucks and buy drugs with it, throw a party when he dies. I'll keep the three or four people who read this posted on this situation as it develops.
Another long season lies ahead. Don Mattingly is tight. Frank McCourt is not. And Vin Scully, who by the same non-religious, figurative afterlife I mentioned, is going to heaven. In fact, he is God. So, 25 bucks to the devil every month so I can hear God call a losing season, with grace and impeccable beauty. But the fact remains. Godless world, Bud Selig owns you, the Dodgers are nearly limbless in their pursuit of a championship and Orange fisherman hats were purchased in bulk last October, not before but after. "Not to mention, I put shoe polish in my already ironic hipster beard! Next up, Christian tattoos!"
Fuck the world. And baseball. I'm going to make some bomb-ass breakfast while I still can.
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