LAMBO: FIRST BLUNT PART TWO

This news is a few days old but I have to say something about it. Andrew Lambo, a possibly future left fielder when Manny departs, judging by the incredible season he was having in AA Chatanooga thus far, was suspended for 50 games for violating Major League Baseball's drug policy. I admit that when I heard the news I figured it was Steroids because why would players today do something cool like LSD? Or if they popped pills like in the days of yore, we'd have a Willie Stargell instead of an Alex Rodriguez. And wouldn't that be terrible?
Anyhow, a stoned friend of mine corrected my assumption by saying, mid-inhale, "Naw, bro. He was getting high on bud."

Despite the obvious bummer, the setback, the mindless backlash on his career, at least it wasn't steroids or I don't know...date rape, manslaughter, shit like that. I also learned from my fellow burnout that it wasn't his first incident with something like this. Joe Torre, Mariano Duncan and Larry Bowa have probably hit a baseball in the past, thinking it was a slow and glorious ball of strange energy that found its way from the infinite universe to enter the confines of this world only to be carried away with a Louisville slugger...

...What I mean is, while most people either understand personally or generally don't give a fuck if people smoke dope, the squares in the front office are never going to understand something like this. They're function is to make cattle out of men and force poor communities to pay for baseball stadium-shopping malls. So Lambo, you fucked up and shouldn't have. But if you make it to the Bigs, me and my friends will superficially buy your jersey. We like your style.
I just feel bad that you had to get busted with the resin of shitty Tennessee weed in your stream. You actually have time to go back to Cali, get loaded on chronic and then you'll have the rest of your suspension time to flush it out, camp out in a batting cage and await your day in the sun.