The Bullshit Disaster continues.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Heaven and Hell (reeled in and gutted like the rest)

Well, Major League Baseball has done it again. Extracting my funds in return for poor service, occasional black-outs and a visual document of seasonal disappointment. I only have a subscription to MLB TV because I'm living in Oakland and need to hear Vin Scully's voice to remain sane. I'm not the kind of baseball asshole who gets excited about watching A-Rod reach some bullshit milestone. I want to cancel it, I don't need it. Fuck the Dodgers, etc. But I'm going to be reeled in and gutted like the rest.

The fact that they just access my money, take 25 fucking dollars out so I can watch Gabe Kapler pop out to end the 3rd inning of some bullshit game in Arizona, is some bullshit. It's the same old, reliable, cyclical, masochistic bullshit I put myself through every year about this time. So I'm an asshole. This year I don't think I can afford it and care less than I did last year. Someday Bud Selig will die and nobody will truly care. Maybe it'll be this year. Selig going straight to hell, which only exists in my mind for people like him to go to(I don't subscribe to religion,) is more likely than the Dodgers winning the World Series in the next decade. So, maybe I could save the 25 bucks and buy drugs with it, throw a party when he dies. I'll keep the three or four people who read this posted on this situation as it develops.

Another long season lies ahead. Don Mattingly is tight. Frank McCourt is not. And Vin Scully, who by the same non-religious, figurative afterlife I mentioned, is going to heaven. In fact, he is God. So, 25 bucks to the devil every month so I can hear God call a losing season, with grace and impeccable beauty. But the fact remains. Godless world, Bud Selig owns you, the Dodgers are nearly limbless in their pursuit of a championship and Orange fisherman hats were purchased in bulk last October, not before but after. "Not to mention, I put shoe polish in my already ironic hipster beard! Next up, Christian tattoos!"

Fuck the world. And baseball. I'm going to make some bomb-ass breakfast while I still can.

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