First place!

All the suspended dread along the path toward Opening Day, more than ever it was out of sight and mind but I'll admit I had no other plans but to watch the shit. A more immediate problem than the Dodgers probable lack of offense and the perpetual frustration merrily carried over from last season was the fact that ESPN had to market this shit in primetime because the Giants are defending champs. What's more stupid than Opening Day at Dodger Stadium being at 5 pm instead of 1 pm was that Vin wasn't calling the game. Cue three to four middle aged, former player talking heads who do nothing but talk shit to each other while we wonder what the count is. A little unnerving but I had the radio on and the TV on mute, which had a two second, or a one pitch, delay but it was worth it. Vin laying it down with ease, with grace, I could close my eyes and see the game and then watch a replay on ESPN soon after. For some reason, Vin calls the first three innings and for this special occasion the last three, which I'm sure there is some bullshit, contractual explanation but I'm too lazy and furious to research that fact. I'd rather sit here and say 'fuck that' because I could completely guarantee that nobody, not one motherfucker, in Los Angeles or elsewhere would rather hear Steiner and Monday tranquilize them in traffic than Vin Scully paint the picture he has for over 60 years. So, this sucks too.

Clayton Kershaw was really fucking good. He, like last season but without any run support, out-pitched Tim Lincecum. It was a classic, National League ballgame. 2 to 1 was the final, the offense looked about as good as expected and so did Jonathan Broxton, where he gets the save but it doesn't sit well yet. Not until he strikes out the side in a one run game. Just once, please. Not a bad series. The Dodgers won a tight one the next day, rested half the line-up (?!?!?) and lost 10 to 0 and then won on Sunday in another shaky but victorious outing. Matt Kemp looks very pre-Rihanna out there, defensively and offensively, there are still a bunch of dudes I can't believe are starting and Clayton Kershaw looks like he'll end the season with a record of 8 wins and 12 losses with an E.RA of 2.00. No run support but if the rest of the N.L. wants to take a cue from dickface Aubrey Huff and make 53 errors, it will help Dodger pitching immensely.

We're only four games into this bitchseason, I'm sure it will be interesting and terrible. It's been a good time smoking dozens of blunts and having innumerable beers on ice, listening to Vin, wearing Dodger gear. The beginning of the season is in itself a fat blunt laced with hope and dreams and jaguars and unicorns in or atop of some lowriders surfing giant waves of psychedelic rainbows as they all crash gracefully into the center of my heart.

Fuck the world.